Man Who Mangled Hand with Electric Saw Feels Belittled for Being Sent to Minor Care

“I’m right handed! I cut off my right thumb, and I may even lose my index finger!!!” roared 55 year old Barty Creech in minor care pod.  “Minor care!?!?  Does this look like F@#$ing minor to you?!?!” screamed Creech as another rooster-tail of bright red blood hit the floor.  

“We tried to tell him that it was just hospital policy and that we are taking his injury very seriously,” stated a R1 on his 3rd minor care shift of the month.  “But he just couldn’t handle the label, minor care.”  It reportedly took extreme amounts of benzodiazepines on top of lots of shoulder rubs and reassurance of his manliness to calm him down enough to assess and explore the wound. "Thats right big guy. You're tougher than anyone here," said the crafty intern with a wink. "We don't think your wound is minor in the least." In light of the incident, the aforementioned hospital is considering creating a special Extreme Care department for patients with inferiority complexes.