US Government Continues to Pump Tax Dollars into Funding Studies that Show Vegetables are Good for You

Last week, The Times yet again reported on another NIH funded, landmark trial that not-surprisingly determined that vegetables are healthy.  The US public was blown away.  If it weren’t for that new study, the general public would have had literally zero idea of the nutritious value provided by vegetables. The official governmental stance on the matter is that the United States of America has been just 1 study away from increasing vegetable intake and vanquishing obesity.  That stance has not changed since Ovaltine was invented.  But the hopes are that public will be finally aware of both the general existence and the nutritious value of vegetables.   Representative Jay Armstrong maintains that the US government will continue to simply “carpet bomb them white coat research nerds with tax dollars - armageddon style - until the ignorant 47% of our nation eats more green shiat.”  
As an afterthought, the good hearted Representative leaned in close and whispered their next big plan for our tax dollars, “And once we knock this veggie thing out of the park, we’ll be tackling salt!  It gets into your blood when you eat Freedom Fries, Christ science is scary!”   Rep. Armstrong enthusiastically stated that with any luck, exercise and smoking research will start this fiscal year as well, “The jury is still out on this crap.  Are they good or bad for you?  We might think we know, but we have no idea.”