Jenny McCarthy, "Aspirin gave my father Alzheimer’s". Cardiologists Appalled.

In a recent press release, the face of the pro-H Flu B movement, Jenny McCarthy claims to again have practice changing news.  Less than 10 years after her modern medical breakthrough linking autism to mercury preservatives in vaccines beyond a shadow of a doubt, she has done it again.  Her agent recently leaked to the press word of another upcoming earth shaking paper expected to be in the March 2014 edition of the Lancet.  Her team of unbiased researchers has successfully linked daily aspirin ingestion to the development of Alzheimer's Dementia. Cardiologists across the globe are appalled with the development - as is the pharmaceutical giant Bayer, but they are helpless against McCarthy's high powered research team and utter disregard for the wellbeing of the general population.  
Ever since McCarthy proved beyond the shadow of a doubt that vaccines are the root of autism, she states that she has been hungry for another major societal shake up.  The manner in which she reached the conclusion was simple.  To quote McCarthy, “I was at home thinking about the moment when I saw the light go out of my son’s eyes, and I had another epiphany.  I realized that every night, when my father took his aspirin, the light dimmed in his eyes just a little bit too.”  This is exactly the basis for her studies.  The original vaccine/autism report measured Baby-Like Luminosity Shining with Helical Transmission (BLLSHT) Factor emitted from children’s eyes after doses of vaccines.  Designed in a similar manner, McCarthy’s latest study once again employed cutting edge luminescence technology to establish the causative relationship between Alzheimer’s and aspirin.
It appears that both infectious disease doctors and cardiologists have their work cut out for them.  Just as millions of responsible parents have been basing important immunization decisions for their children on McCarthy’s BLLSHT evidence, we may expect that a significant portion our ever aging population of baby boomers may cease to take their daily baby aspirin.  Further studies will be necessary to appreciate the overall mortality cost to society of eradicating both Alzheimer’s and Autism.