Joint Commission Visit Prevents Staff From Openly Enjoying Their Tasty Beverages Quarterly


The Joint Commission, a nonprofit organization originally created in 1934 as a practical joke by Franklin Delano Roosevelt, visited Good Samartian Hospital in Long Beach, CA this past Tuesday to find the workspaces completely devoid of any consumables.  This was no surprise to anybody as The Joint Commission, dubbed J Co by FDR, advertised the date of their visit over a week in advance and has been operating in the same manner since its inception.  According to the J Co website, their purpose is two fold:
1) A test of endurance: Just how well can the staff hold up with a full week of starvation/dehydration?  The original framework of J Co was biblically based and the duration of the visit was 40 days and 40 nights.  FDR found this particularly hilarious but was forced to decrease the duration to one week after several fatalities due to acute renal failure - it is well documented that several members of the staff were literally urinating small puffs of bladder dust.  Some good did come out of these refugee camp-esque hospitals: the original J Co visits were the basis for the original literature describing the progression prerenal acute kidney injury to intrinsic kidney injury as well as the ketotic state / hormonal changes during starvation.
2) A test of obedience: Can we take some of the most educated people in the country and push them to the extreme without organized protest?  89 years and running, the answer has been yes.  FDR was quoted at one of his classic Fireside Chats, “The muckrakers and tattletales of society shall be well protected behind fantastically large clipboards and artificial courtesies, and hitherto, they shall rove amongst the bourgeoisie in hospitals, completely uninvited mind you, feigning interest in patient safety but with the true sole purpose of depriving them of their tasty beverages.”