Malpractice Attorney Develops Radial Nerve Palsy, Begrudgingly Accepts Life of Fist Bumping


Oregon malpractice attorney, Andrew Jones, recently developed a severe right radial nerve palsy after a minor traffic accident.  At first, it didn’t seem like a large inconvenience, but with the inability to extend his wrist, he’s found greeting people to be strange and difficult.  “I’ve basically got three equally  horrible choices,” fumed Jones “The eternally awkward left hand shake - jesus I’ve got no grip strength in that hand.”  Nor does he have much grip strength remaining in his right hand, according to the medical records.
“Or worse yet, I could just bring my new clients in for a bear hug. ‘Hi there Mr. Client! Did you put on deodorant today?  Are those nits?!  I don’t care!  Bring it in for a man hug!’  Just hug it out.”  Jones confessed he tried the big man hug approach for the first few weeks but eventually gave up because at 5’ 1” he doesn’t exactly exude big beary softness, so he ultimately settled on the first bump.  
“It’s the lesser of the 3 evils but Christ I feel stupid,” Jones raged on, “Great.  I’ll just be like, ‘Yo! What up Judge! Gimme a fist bump! Who’s my main man!?  Much Love!’ ...because fist bumps are so professional.  Enjoy your radial nerves, assholes.”