March 2014: 3 Month Anniversary of Obamacare Fixing America's Healthcare Delivery System

Perhaps 2014 has been just the gust of fresh air America's petering out healthcare system has been dying for.  Today, March 1, 2014, marks the 3 month anniversary since the rollout of the new Obamacare healthcare system, and we can only pray that these first 3 months have set the tone for the next 3 decades.  The immediate changes noted in the system were, at first, a bit of a culture shock for America's ill.
This new healthcare culture is, pardon the pun, exactly what the doctor ordered.  Clinics that were previously booked for months are now rolling out the red carpets and accepting patients 25 hours per day.  Previously uninsurable healthcare consumers find themselves in the middle of bidding wars for the nation's cheapest insurance policies ever. New clinics are opening on every corner - some even boast that physicians work there.  Emergency Department wait times are now beneath 10 minutes nationwide, and breast implants and tummy tucks are now free for anyone deemed beautiful enough to be on television.  In his 3 months of Obamacare press release, President Obama had the following words to share:
"Yes, indeed.  For all of you that doubted Obamacare, I bring you this.  I bring a new healthcare system of prosperity and equality for all.  Anti-hypertensives and statins are being added to the drinking water, and with any luck, the great Ohio Oxycodone mines will re-open to ensure adequate analgesia for the masses.  Now how do I plan to pay for all this, you might ask yourselves.  Where will the money come from?  Here is my pledge to you.  I fixed the healthcare system in 2014 so that it may not exist by 2015.  I plan to cure disease by the end of the calendar year.  Without disease around, medical professionals and their heft salaries will no longer be needed and will likely gradually leave the country, migrating to places where their science and skill sets are still appreciated."