NEJM Study Reveals Contents of Ophthalmology Luggage as Mostly "Burned CDs, Emergency Bowties"

In a 2014 study in the New England Journal of Medicine, researchers from ThePannus Medical Center conducted a survey of the enigmatic rolling luggage ophthalmologists bring to consults.

"We were always fascinated by these important looking doctors looking like they were always going on business trips.  Always in transit.  And I wanted to find out what was really in those things," said head researcher Dr. John Porter, internist at TPMC.

"Most ophthalmologists were really reluctant to share what was in the suitcases, and I even caught several paging themselves to emergent canthotomies." said Dr. Kenneth Dogood, primary author on the study, "The lack of actual medical equipment was astounding."

The study revealed that 86% of ophthalmologists backed their bags with nostalgic burned CDs from the 90s featuring primarily The Backstreet Boys, Eve 6, and Nirvana. 78% had a significant (p<0.005) number of bow ties classified into boxes labeled "EMERGENCY."

"Yeah, we really just wanted to be prepared for the chance that we meet someone that we would be attracted to, and you really can't be prepared for that moment without a nice mixtape to share," said an ophthalmology resident from Colorado who preferred to remain anonymous.  "And bow ties? Man, how else am I supposed to fit in with pediatricians when they consult me? What am I, a farmer?"

Other common objects found in the study included taco fillings, orthopedic manuals, and a pressed pair of slacks.