MRSA Holds Press Release to Officially Thank Microfleece Wearing Healthcare Workers for Providing Novel Vector Into the Community

MRSA’s public relations team recently released a statement of gratitude towards all of the health care workers supporting the latest microfiber fleece trend at work.  “Without you hard working people wearing your baby’s bottom soft fleeces creating fabulously comfortable core temperatures, MRSA would have never been able to be transmitted back and forth between your homes, the community, and the hospital to this extent.”  
In spite of hand washing rates soaring higher than ever and doctors reaching more frequently for Vancomycin, MRSA’s statisticians report that rates of furuncles, dunkles, carbuncles, hinky punkles, and those giant ass pimples are up a record 13% for the fiscal year of 2013.  MRSA epidemiologists report a near 100% carriage rate on unwashed jackets and a mean jacket washing rate of approximately once every 3 years.  These experts believe the microfiber environment created by the soft, non-threatening fleeces to be a perfect microclimate for bacterial colonization and reproduction.  
“Those microfiber fleeces are amazing!  People literally never wash their jackets and just keep rubbing them all over patient’s pustules, each other, their neighbor’s dog, and their bologna sandwiches.  Heck, my old pal Chester Difficile made it down to South America from Canada by thumbin' a ride on a fleece!  Special thanks to Patagonia, North Face, Bear Grylls, and whoever else told you those things were cool.  You guys are our heroes.” MRSA concluded. “I just want finish up with a special shout out to those of you injecting drugs into your arms.  Thanks for keeping us in your hearts!!”