OBGyn Performs Therapeutic Pelvic Exam On Patient With Headache, Leaving Both Parties Confused About What Just Happened


Dr. Emily Stefelopolis, an OBGyn resident at the University Hospital in Kalamazoo, recently cured a confused, yet strangely satisfied customer of the worst migraine headache of her life.  She presented with a pulsating, nausea-inducing behemoth of a headache and walked away with her annual pap-smear performed, flushed cheeks, and a glossy smile wiped across her face.  

“I’ve had migraines my whole life,” mentioned the patient who preferred, for unclear reasons, to remain anonymous.  “In the past, they’ve tried every med in the book.  None of it touched my headache.  Even second and third line drugs - like Magnesium!  God knows OBGyn’s love magnesium...”

“Compazine wasn’t working.  Toradol did nothing for her.  Of course I tried Magnesium.  They say that 9 out of every 10 OB patient’s needs Mag, and the 10th patient is already on a drip.  I even dropped a Thorazine bomb, and when that failed…” said Stefelopolis

We, the readers, all know what came next.  Dr. Stefelopolis saddled up, put the patient in stirrups, and went with her go to therapeutic maneuver: the speculum exam. 

“I was rather unsure of how exactly this would help her pain, but I’m goddamned sure that I give one hell of a speculum exam.” mused Dr. Stefelopolis, victorious, as she called it a day.

“It was like magic.  I purged her headache and provided excellent preventative medicine.  I wonder if the cervico-
cephalic reflex of legend actually exists!  Janet from HR swears by it.”