St. Mary's Rural Hospital Diagnoses Yet Another Immaculate Conception


It seems that lightning has struck the same place twice in Laddonia, Missouri.  In fact, lightning has struck the farm town of about 400 people five times in the last two years (the lightning being metaphorical of course).  On Tuesday the 9th, a fifth virgin was diagnosed with an intrauterine pregnancy in the local emergency department.  15 year old Summer Brown states that she skipped Sunday School and went to the ER because she was having some particularly forceful nausea and vomiting that morning.  Not surprisingly, her urine pregnancy test was positive.  Also not surprisingly, Summer adamantly denied ever having partaken in sexual intercourse.  And even less surprisingly, her parents - fine god fearing folk - never questioned their saintly daughter’s story.  Thus, the conclusion was very naturally made that this tiny farm town was raised on sacred soil and yet another immaculate conception had taken place.  “I trust my daughter 100%,” stated Ronda Brown, Summer’s mother.  “If Peggy’s daughter was pure enough to conceive without having intercourse, of course my Summer is.”  

Reporters and insurance companies have been getting wind of the story, and as such, public officials have stepped forward to offer explanations as to how Laddonia, MO has violated the very foundation of evolutionary biology repeatedly.  “We don’t even teach sex education in our school system.  How could these young ladies manage the act?” offered Principle Reading, grandfather to an immaculately conceived 2 month old boy.  “Mr. Sanderson, the agriculture teacher, is the only sexual education these children receive with his annual sheep breeding instruction video. Well that and perhaps Lady Gaga shaking her who who's on TV but no kids pay attention to that stuff.”  

   When prompted how the sleepy little community intends to address the issue, Reading declared they are kicking around several ideas including adding random urine pregnancy tests to their drug screens, shutting down the town pool, and possibly training Slippery Pete's bloodhound to sniff out pregnancy.