Copay For Coping Skills Exceeds Average American’s Disposable Income

Recent economic studies out of Baltimore, Maryland have concluded that the average American is unable to afford coping skills.  Jean Barrett, the lead investigator of the study and professor of Sociology at University of Maryland, set out with the goal to evaluate coping skills across America.  Initially hoping to crack the code as to why Americans have become more self entitled than The Clash's first album, Barrett changed his tune quickly when as many as half of the surveys were returned blank or with profanity and threats scribbled across them.  In fact, the study had to be stopped early as there was some trend towards acute harm. The survey recipients were apparently unable to cope with the fact that they have no coping skills.  Some participants even likened the study to the CFO of Apple poling rural Kenyans about how they spend their extra cash.

Regardless of the flaws noted in the study, this scholarly project is now calling for lower prices on coping skills across the nation - specifically requesting they be placed on the $5 formularies at popular pharmacies.  Improved access to coping skills is certainly one facet of the ongoing whininess of the general public, but studies strangely panned out that with increasing net worth, the cost of coping skills increases as well - seemingly just out of range of the yearly budget.  When it comes to coping skills, the fiscally elite are just as impoverished as, well, Kenyans.    

Unfortunately for common consumer, big pharma has a patent on coping skills, so they will not go generic until 2025.  Until that time, experts recommend that America’s youth turn to Mother Goose’s parables or even parental lessons if they are really strapped for cash.

author’s note: This is obviously satire but we as a society, as parents, as health care providers, and as educators are failing to teach (or learn) coping skills.  And it isn’t just coping skills.  Accountability is a major … ***gets pushed off soap box***