Code Blue Bell: ice cream overdose protocol pioneered in Texas

In this new world of synthetic sugars and a plethora different synthetic flavors, a new disturbing trend has been noticed in Emergency Departments across the country - particularly in EDs in the Brenham, Texas area.  Likely not by coincidence, the Blue Bell national headquarters is located in Brenham, and this is the area of the country believed to boast the highest ice cream consumption per capita.  In fact, the county chapter of the Diabetic Daughters of America has received national recognition 17 years running.  Local emergency doc, Neil Panus, has seen the disturbing trend of ice cream overdose increasing dramatically over the last few decades and has such developed a protocolized manner to treat these patients presenting with excruciating tummy pain.  

The pathophysiology of the tummy pain has yet to be elucidated; however, preliminary animal research suggests that the profound hypotension and bradycardia associated with an ingestion greater than 1 gram of creamy yumminess per kilogram is due to hyperstimulation of the RichCreamyGoodness receptors.  While all forms of desert are known to stimulate the receptors, ice cream is known to be 10x more potent than cake and pie and up to 100x more potent than fake, cardboard-like deserts such as vanilla wafers or Kroger brand chocolate chip cookies.  Therefore, Panus hypothesized that a high dose infusion with concentrated, liquified vanilla wafers would competitively antagonize the excessively creamy and rich treat, effectively making the tummy pain go bye bye.  This lead to the birth of the Code Blue Bell.  “Early recognition and intervention is key,” says Panus. “Think of an ice cream overdose like a delicious, creamier version of septic shock.”