Ninja Physician: “My patients never even notice me.”



It is a tough life for ninja physician Nyan Ahmed.  This young physician has been a hospitalist for almost 14 years in Greenville, Mississippi and continues to elude the praise and affection for the high quality care delivered to patients on a daily basis.  Starting around the age of 22 (about the time of medical school matriculation), Dr. Ahmed appreciated many patients simply failed to acknowledge the care they received or the yeoman’s effort put into it.  Then, at the age of 24, Dr. Ahmed was asked to join the International League of Ninjas (the ILN).  The offer was obviously way too awesome to turn down, and the rest has simply been an unfortunate history.

“I spend five, sometimes six, days per week in house.  It just seems like no one even notices I’m around.  It’s not like I wear a black mask.” states Ahmed.  “My parents aren’t even ninjas!  Last year, the hospital forgot to give me my Christmas bonus. I had to remind them that I was still an employee.”

Indeed, Dr. Ahmed has it difficult.  To her, it is unclear when or where she obtained her ninja powers.  She denies taking any martial arts training or taking any classes in the art of illusion, but then again, ninjas often do.  To get to the bottom of it, several reporters from The Pannus interviewed some of Dr. Ahmed’s patients who had some interesting things to say:

“Christ Almighty! You mean to tell me that nurse is my doctor?!  I always thought it was that nice man who brings me my food.”  - Merle Goodman, Greenville resident

“I’ve never seen her before, but I think she’s just a nurse floating from the 5th floor.”  
- Greg, Merle’s nurse

As we were wrapping up, Dr. Ahmed did recall a day in which everyone acknowledged her as a physician.  Apparently last Halloween, she dressed up as her husband and was shocked how many people approached her with medical questions.  She recalls removing her costume in a broom closet over the lunch hour in order to continue flying under the radar.