Polysubstance abuse patient has remarkably good teeth


Megan Runyon, a 37 year old female who openly admits to the use of every drug she can find, has remarkably good teeth. Her adult teeth have been with her for better than 25 years, and she has yet to lose a single one. In fact, she has only had 3 cavities in her life in spite of smoking meth 3 times a week for years. While the smoker’s cough, track marks, and left hemiparesis (occurred after a 40 gram cocaine ingestion in 2007) tell her self destructive tale, her teeth have valiantly weathered the test of time and drugs. Even now, her central incisors stand stalwart against gingivitis, Krystal burgers, and crystal meth.


“She is the polar opposite of what we usually see. I’m accustomed to the teeth rotting while the body thrives on drugs - she is the exact opposite.” mentioned her dentist when interviewed.

Megan, herself, attributes her good teeth to being unvaccinated and to an herbal supplement she makes herself in her basement. Sold online, the supplement is actually a fairly reliable source of income. The stark contrast between her generally petulant physical appearance and her impeccable teeth has made a believer out of many an alternative medicine enthusiast. When asked how she planned to maintain her splendidly white teeth for decades to come, Megan actually passed out, presumably from her alcoholic cardiomyopathy but a second stroke has not been ruled out at this point.